I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
