I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize