I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
