Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
