...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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