They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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