He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
