and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
