so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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