just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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