If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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