I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
