i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
