I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
