More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
