They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
