I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
