U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
