it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
