Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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