I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
