when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
