pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Two words: blizzard sex
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
