What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
