i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
