He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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