apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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