i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize