My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hippo gnu deer
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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