I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
