Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
