there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize