there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
