He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
