filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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