um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
