If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
