i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
