I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just want nice things and good sex
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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