i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
