i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
