HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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