And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
