Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
