He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
