yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
