Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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