wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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