He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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