Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
