Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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