My girlfriend figured out who you are.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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