Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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