You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
