i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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