Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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