i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
