Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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