Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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