so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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