So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize