What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
