Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
