I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
