My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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