why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
