Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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