you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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