apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize