What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
