Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
