I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I need water and some morals
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
