Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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