Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
this beer tastes like vomit already
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
