You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
