walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
