I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize