he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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