I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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