the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
