my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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