In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
