There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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