Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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