I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
