and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
