So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
