so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
