He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
