Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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