i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize