Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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