I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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