Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
