CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
