I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
