I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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