He is an equal opportunity slut.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
