we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
