The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize