Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
