dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
