Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
