your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
