Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
