Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
