I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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