you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
