Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
