Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
